An email in your inbox that nobody wants to receive

I received an email today in my inbox from a very dear friend of mine in Brisbane, a very dear friend of mine who is dying of breast cancer, it has been a long and hard battle for her. She has kept us all up to date with her journey, almost like a diary of her death and today she sent this below, no-one should have to ever write their own goodbye & thankyou email, I hope you will join me in a prayer for her at this time.

Subject: To my friends goodbye and thank you

Hello Everybody

This maybe the last email you will get from me because as a lot of you know ive been told I only have weeks to live.

Im not being dramatic its the way it is and my sister has come up from Canberra to take me out of the hospital for a couple of hours so I can tidy a few things up and send of the emails to people who dont know about the situation and to thank you all for all the love and friendship that you have shown to me over the years and also thru this terrible cancer journey.

I cant talk or cope with too much as the cancer has gone into the lining of my lymphs in my lung and the doctors have told me there is absolutely nothing else for me so Im at the mater onchology public ward for a while until they can organise palliative care.My brother has said he would come and help me but the doctors need to know that I will have someone who can be with me to help me before organising a respite centre for me to go to live out my final days (if i live that long).

I actually slept for a few hours last night for the first time in 3 months and when I woke up in the quietness of the morning at 2.30 and had time to sit and adjust and have my quiet thoughts the penny dropped of what my doctor had actually said to me on Friday.

He was extremely abrupt and my poor friend Annemarie and I were not even sure what he had said at first as he was just so nervous about delivering the news. He asked how I was and we both said dont ask and he said well of course she has cancer all thru her lungs and only weeks to live??? Annemarie asked him again what he had said and he said I dont know you and never met you before but she said weve met you 6 or more times and then he started dribbling on about all the medical situation and basically said that there was nothing could be done and that I will die.I had packed a bag and wanted to be admitted but he was a bit hesitant at first as he thought I wouldnt last the stay.

Im beginning to feel that way myself as Ive pulled up quite ill today and am coughing and have a sore throat. I think that hospital is and will and has the been the finish of me.I would probably be better off home but they are keeping me over the weekend and then will talk about things at the beginning of the week.My brother said he would help and I guess I will have to see how it goes .I have had offers from the lovely friends who came to visit me today so thank you for that too and also to Peter for postponing his trip back to China to come and help as well.

Its all very daunting and I still cant believe it and I know that a lot of you cant either and have cried buckets of tears for and with me about it.I just wanted to put in writing that I love you all very much. I know that weve had some wonderful times together and some hard ones too but I want you all to remember the laughter and my funny old ways.

My funeral is to be a celebration of life. Not only to me but to the value of my friends and what friendship is all about.I love you all very much and remember that when there maybe a quiet moment and the wind stirs up and the chimes on your front porch or back verandah may start going ballistic...its just me passing thru letting you know that Im still around.

All my love

Loox

(My reply)

Hi Loo,

Wow, what a short journey, you and I have had as friends, I don’t know what to say. I am truly honoured to have known you. You never did make it to the West, so please come and visit in the next life and see those bloody wildflowers in the Springtime.

I wish you no more pain, no more suffering and peace, finally be at peace with yourself. I’m so glad that Darran and I got to spend a few hours with you last month (last year), know that you have left lots of little “dints” in people’s hearts & I will never forget you.

Take comfort in those who will surround you in their love at this time, and remember all the good things that you’ve achieved in your short life – don’t reflect on the bad.

Be brave, be strong & when it’s time to go, say goodbye to us all with the love that you always have had and will have in your heart my friend.

I look forward to catching you in the next life and when I can hear that booming laugh of yours again.

Love always & forever,

Janice

xxx

Suffer for Fashion & Do's & Don'ts for 2009 (Personality)

Suffer for Fashion....an interesting saying I’ve always thought but today I think I became a victim to it. I went to get my nails done and while I was there, realised that my legs could probably do with a wax as they were looking a little unkempt. So in my infinite wisdom, I asked if they would have time to do a half leg wax while I was there. She said “sure, after we’ve done your nails” so away I go. Now I’ve had leg waxes before but I’m not too sure what she used this time but as I soon found out after leaving my legs were feeling a little “sticky” not the normal feeling from wax. Off I went to medicare, another fascinating place I find, such a melting pot of people there and not somewhere I frequent all that often although it seems to be that the majority of people there do, especially a lot of very young mothers, but I digress. So I take a number, take a seat and wait, eventually that automated voice called my number and I went to get up and felt a little stuck to the chair, didn’t think much of it and away I went. Then I went over to Crazy Clarks to buy a couple of artists canvases as they are closing down and were going cheap, when I happened to brush past a towel which consequently also stuck to my leg. I looked down and to my horror I looked like a reverse lamington, white with all bits of fluff stuck to my leg where the sticky wax or whatever she used has clearly not come off. I had a chuckle to myself, and continued shopping, I’ve since gotten home and tried to get it off of me, but it’s staying put, one would hope it will come off in the shower tonight as everytime I sit on the lounge, which is black, I end up with black fluff all over me.....hmmmm, what we women do hey?

Time for some more Do’s & Don'ts for 2009.

Personality
Don’t overdo. Keep your limits.
Don’t take yourself so seriously. No-one else does.
Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
Dream more while you’re awake.
Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
Realise that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
Smile and laugh more.You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Do's & Dont's for 2009 (Health)

A very dear friend of mine sent me a beautiful email with Do's & Dont's of 2009 so I thought I would share:

Health
· Drink plenty of water
· Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince & dinner like a beggar
· Eat more foods that grow on trees & plants and less food that is manufactured in plants.
· Live with the 3 E’s – Energy, Enthusiasm & Empathy.
· Make time to practice meditation, yoga & prayer.
· Play more games
· Read more books than you did in 2008.
· Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
· Sleep for 7 hours.
· Take a 10-30 minute walk every day and while you walk, SMILE

Mothers hand me down issues....

So many topics to discuss, where do I start? The cat is still not eating, so I locked her inside today with a full bowl of food hoping that she might eat something.
D evac’d off rig due to Cyclone Dominic and he’s living it up in the lap of luxury at the Hyatt in Perth no less, gee and I was under the assumption that working offshore was hard work? But it is cyclone season I guess.
The friend saga, ok well I thought I had managed to successfully get rid of them but no such luck – any of my friends that happen to be reading this wondering if it could be you – it’s NOT. These are people, I would loosely call them 'acquaintances' actually who you meet by chance (both male) and because the husband works away think that they can “help you out” in other ways……..and are not afraid of telling you in more colourful language than what I’ve just used.
I mean if I was single I’d be happy, but I’m not, and it doesn’t matter how many times you stress this to them and that you are truly not interested and that I love & respect my husband of 20 odd years, it kind of goes in one ear and out the other and whilst it’s in the space between the ears it seems to translate into “sure, I’m saying no, but I really mean yes” WTF? It’s getting to the point now where I’ve actually said to the pair of them “F-off” and they still don’t get it?
I am a person of value and I think that is my problem, my downfall, you see if someone sends me a text message or an email, I don’t want to be rude & I think that they have taken the time to send it, I should be courteous and reply – this has obviously gotten me in trouble and getting me nowhere fast.
This has a lot to do with my upbringing – my mum always taught me “don’t say no, become a ‘yes' girl and people will like you. You don’t want to upset people by saying “no”, You don’t want people not liking you and when they don’t like you we need to obsess over what on earth we have done wrong” Hmmm, well I can tell you from experience that this has got me absolutely nowhere in life being like this but I propose that it was what my gran taught my mum and bless her she thought she’d bequeath it to me.
Anyway, I digress, so here I am in this situation. What I find strange is the fact that I think I’m overweight (which I am, there's no doubt in this issue) and don’t think of myself as that pretty, beautiful or sexy and yet, I have way more attention than I can handle and from 2 married men. Why is it as girls, we grow up with so many issues, sometimes I wish I could be like a man and just say what I feel, do what I feel with no regard for what anyone else thinks. Perhaps I need to adopt this stance on the issue.
Townsville deadline today, no news as yet, I’m getting nervous. D thinks that we have nothing to worry about; hopefully I will have news tomorrow.

Laying in bed

There I was this morning, sound asleep when suddenly I woke for no apparent reason, then I layed there and you know how your mind starts to wander. I'm in the middle of reading Eckhart Tolle's - The Power of Now and i know now that I seem to pay more attention to what my mind is actually saying.
So then, I turn over, thrash about in the sheets, saying to myself "go to sleep" but to no avail. Our 18 year old cat, god love her, started her morning coughing routine - so I thought, ok, I'll just go to the loo and then I'll get back in bed and I'll go back to sleep. So that's what I did, both of the cats for once in their lives looked tired, and at me "what on earth are you doing up at 4.43" then of course as the toilet is right near the cats bowls, as soon as I walk that way they run to their bowls and therein lies the problem.
So I got back in bed, but both cats now were at the door, i got back in bed, thrashed around a bit more telling myself to go back to sleep when I thought "this is clearly not working, I'll get up"
Tiger, the 18 year old cat has almost stopped eating now and she is going through the same process as Blue our 15 year old cat did. I hate to admit it, but I think she's heading out soon.
So, if anyone can offer any tips on what to feed her, I'd sure appreciate them. I've tried tuna, ham, hills science diet which she actually ate a bit of today, going to try her on some mince i think and see how she goes. She's gotten so thin, and the vet just tells us that she's an old cat - hey, I wish I could live to the ripe old age of 19 cat years thats for sure but I don't want her to suffer in anyway.
D told her before he left for work that she had to still be here when he got back in 3 weeks, she looked at him like "where am I going?" I'll just keep plodding along with her, and feeding her a bit here and there when she wants to eat, that's all I can do.

Confessions of a Real Estate junkie

Ok, so my other passion apart from the dog & jewellery making.............real estate.
I confess, I was never like this until my D and I decided that the Australian Government are never going to fund the type of lifestyle we want when we're retired (unless of course either he or I become Prime Minister and chances of that are slim to say the least) Not only that he and I are not real favourable of working til we're, oh, um, 65?????
Just because it was our parents work ethic to study ____ (what's that word?) and get a good ___ (I can hear you saying it) doesn't mean that it's ours.
Don't get me wrong, we work hard, and I think he does more than I as he has to sacrifice his home life for 3 weeks at a time while he works offshore but we think that we would like to stop working in about 2 years or so and retire then. So, that being said, where does that leave us?
Hmmm, Mr Rudd, I don't see you at all paying us to stay at home and do things that WE like doing, so real estate became our hobby and it's going pretty well.
We have 2 investment properties now and have just gone into negotiations for a 3rd but I can't help myself but look at realestate.com.au all the time, just looking, looking, looking, like a junkie needing a fix.
I was this way with Facebook but not anymore, I think maybe because it's the incentive that we will soon have all the time in the world for that kind stuff, so it can wait and I need to put more work in to get us there.
So these next 3 weeks we enter our Due Diligence stage where I'll be running around, doing all the checking, organising building inspection, pest inspection, speaking with the shire, and doing lots of looking at current infrastructure that's going to keep me busy and before we know it we will hopefully own our 3rd place.
Still no news on the Townsville front, close of business on Tuesday is the deadline, keeping positive, it's going to happen I just know it........

Time to fight my demons

Took D to Perth lastnight and he flew back to work this morning for 3 weeks. I realised on the way up that I hadn't been to Perth since just before christmas. The city that I had lived in for all of my life until 9 months ago holds no attraction for me anymore. I never thought I'd feel like that about the city, I used to love it but not anymore, instead all I get is cranky as I drive the second hour of the journey from our new home down south. All those people who incessantly insist on driving in the right hand lane, regardless of whether or not they're doing 5kms under the speed limit - it's their right and that's what they're going to do.......and we wonder why so many people end up sick. If all you care about is making someone elses life hard it's going to come back and bite you on the bum at sometime, in any way it can, the old adage "what goes around"
Anyway, enough of that, so here I am alone for the next 3 weeks, knowing that it's time to face a lot of demons that I've been pushing away for so so long. It's been easy while D has been home, I haven't focussed on them but now that he's gone, I'm a little scared of doing this work on my own.
We had a good talk the night before he left and I was saying to him that I had been a bit anxious about him going away and how I was going to cope with the boredom. He sent me a text lastnight, it said " U will be ok u just need to write yourself a new story and make sure u read it every day for 21 days so it becomes a habit, I love u so much u r never alone, my thoughts will b with u when I'm away" - he's right, this is going to be easy.
I'm back into my love of books, reading the Secret of Success by James Arthur Ray, it's good food for the soul at the moment. If I can get through this 3 weeks, I can do anything, it's just another task I need to complete, to move things along in my life.